Am i anything?

i know i'm crap but

2005-11-08T00:15:00.000-08:00

Hell these few days have been pretty normal -.- played pool watched sky high all that stuff.. yeah u know wad i mean.. but even though all my friends are there i'm still feeling like shit and i ask myself why.. basically yeah my friends rock but without .. * .. yeah i'm basically fucked.. i've practically lost my drive .. given up on my rugby.. my studies.. and God knows wad else.. maybe its just me.. or maybe its jus tat i'm kinda fucked and nobody really gives a shit about me but i guess it aint too good in living your life the way that person wants to.. trust me its true.. maybe all this wouldnt have happened if i havent been so stupid. i cant even think straight now. yeah . dumb right. all i can think of is wad the hell i did wrong or what i didnt do or how fucked i am or yeah wadever it is you get the idea -.- hell i was playing pool with johnny brandon n zheng feng then suddenly i started thinking about all this shit .. how ..*.. dosent really give a shit about me and how i think about * like practically all this year abd yet she dosent really give a shit about me -.- hell i'm crushed inside .. its like ok if i did something to you.. i understand man but its like i tried to be as nice as i can i tried being the person you would have wanted me to be and you still dont give a shit about me.. damn.. i jus wish i could be your friend.. at least i wish i could have your attention for awhile.. just for awhile.. you are .. yeah who you are.. i know you dont pretend.. you say what you feel you do what you want.. but if you could just pretend i was there for that few mins .. hell i'd feel much better.. maybe its my fault and i've brought this all upon myself for being who i am.. but damn.. your life is great.. to me its perfect.. i'd give the earth to be like you.. yet you dun really seem to realize it.. that other fuckers like me .. would give anything just to live the life u have.. just to be you.. for that one moment.. to feel wanted by someone.. to be appreciated and yeah most of all.. cared for..hell.. just thinking about me makes it wanna cry.. yeah i'll admit it.. call me gay or wadever you want to i dun really care.. coz yeah.. i've kinda given up on everything important to me.

Another crappy weekend

2005-10-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

lol hey back again.. well guess life recently has been shit.. i kept getting depressed over nth... hell.. this week was crap.. friday was brandon. hell guess i was in such a bad mood that i couldnt even take a joke. crap went n punched d hall door and yeah fingers screwed. to make it worse i punched the goalpost durin interclass.. so i guess my hand is more or less screwed haha dunno how the hell i'm sposed to train on monday. Then there game sat.. shit i dunno what the hell happened.. but i was reading someones blog and crap i just read some shit and started getting gloomy over nothing.. hell this is so not me.. that shit had totally nothing to do with me at all? or did it? hell i guess this has gotta stop sooner or later.. its like every single word that comes out from that place can affect me some way or another.. its like i read something that i makes me feel sad and *bang shit i waste half my day thinking and thinking... screw.. well guess eddie is right man ( hes my maths teacher .. one hell of a nice guy i must say ) i prolly respond too emotionally. its not gay or anything its just that i just need ta learn to sit down and talk about things i dont like instead of acting up and killing somebody or making myself feel worse.. hiaz... mann i've felt this before.. so the long and short of it is.. my whole damn weekend is ruined due to a few causal comments and i tink its kinda stupid.. why should something this person says affect me so deeply? cant i just ya know live life without giving a damn about what people think.. gosh.. this is stupid. and yet. i cant seem to get over it. hell i aint gonna say who this person is or where he or she is from but hell the only thing i can say is yeah.. i'll be screwed as ever without this person around.. man.. well.. whereever you are.. sleep well man.. i'll be thinking of ya

midnight crapping

2005-10-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

Well folks. exams are over and well time to party ... well i screwed up my tests bt heh who really gives a damn anyway .. for now its just rugby and pool.. screw tuition -.- haha mann... thailand trip is CANCELED? SHIT MAN.... dey gave us some crap reason -.- said tat some people did not have the money to go and uhh some people couldnt make it -.- i mean for that 1 or 2 people we cant go? alamak -.- i not saying its their fault lah i'm just saying they shouldnt have canceled it man -.- i was so looking forward to it -.- so ah well now its back to training.. and yeah.. i aint expecting it to be easy.. even romi ( coach no 3 ) said tat we'll probably die but well its worth it. haha he tried to make it sound nice tho.. mann i really hope we can win nxt yr. i mean it aint my batch but its a really good feeling to be part of the team anyway and i'll try to do my best for the team.. ya know in my sch life my teammates are way closer to me then my classmates.. maybe its the way we pon school together and go through shit PT but i really dun think i'll be the same without my teammates.. yeah maybe in class take one or two people out.. yeah it'll hurt but i'm quite sure i'll eventually get over it.. but it just aint the same for the ruggers.. maybe you guys out there feel the same too. but yeah let me know man haha.. and yeah... chai yaw is on my back again shit.. i got a feeling i'm gonna get screwed but i really dunno why. so yeah gotta go find out tomorrow .. so much for after exams.. if i get detention again i'll seriously kill myself.. and talking abt killing myself.. hahaha that guy who jumped down in cine is a complete idiot.. i mean all he did was steal something right.. i'm not saying stealing is right but haha wads the worst thing that can happen? its not like hes gonna get hanged or something heh.. wierd people xD..ah well gotta sleep soon man dun know why i'm talking all this crap in the middle of the night when i should be sleeping haha so well i'll be back cya guys..... ( btw my previous posts did not appear on the blog.. dunno wad the hell is wrong but haha i'll make sure this one is posted cya :D )

common tests man they suck

2005-10-15T04:13:00.000-07:00

hell no time for blogging -.- common tests seriously suck man i mean wads d point of haven tests if ur gonna go straight to JC anyway -.- and chinese well i tink i screwed up bt haha honestly i dun really give a damn did well for lit tho tats all tat matters =) past few days have been screwed for me for reasons i will address after d common test but i guess i shant be seeing much of here till this wed haha when d exams are finally over so well cya guys blog after ct =)

Another boring day -.-

2005-10-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

Man today was totally slack man haha its like wake up sleep through geog go PE then philo talk cock then eng lit sleep then RE sleep again -.- seriously larh altho i hate to admit it.. RE is a stupid waste of time.. i mean like making a survey talking cock durin interviews and writing some dumb report.. who cant do -.- i also dun think doing it once a year will help us improve much.. i shouldnt have gone to school at all man haha. However the ending part of todays RE was quite exciting tho woke up to try to get d stickfas presents haha... d stupid dennis aw say help me get then nvr haha joker lah he -.- so much for a philo teacher-.- heh oh yah then went to take eddies eraser and rubber band.. wah biang i tink hes gonna kill me when he comes in for maths tomorrow haha ( eddie is my maths teacher for those guys out there who dont know heh ) so yeah so much for a boring day -.- well i cant say after school was exciting either -.- went home n gymmed.. or rather over gymmed haha think i'm gonna die during training tomorrow... ( oh yeah for d ruggers blackburn said there will be training tomorrow bt its nt complusory to come.. we're just playin sevens haha ) its like i cant even hold a cup steady lol... ah well going for tuition soon. just gonna go there and pretend i did my homework haha.. pai seh today nth to write abt -.- super sian

boring day -.-

2005-10-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well today was uh both good and bad -.- well lets start with the good .. didn’t fail my maths man yeah tot I failed.. and there wasent training so we went for pool. Me Brandon jun chang and chew haha had one hell of a time there.. so yeah that’s just abt all the good I could find in a boring day.. D bad part -.- fck I tink I got someone into trouble.. feeling like shit nw to say d least.. I mean fck parents are completely basturdised.. they dun understand nuts.. basturdised fcks dey ask us to listen to them and dey dun listen to us.. I’m a bloody grown up k? I don’t need ur blardy money I’ll give ya back everything i used.. Why cant we do what we blardy hell want and not all the useless shit dey ask us to do? Blardy hell I cant seem to fcking understand this.. take for example.. guys in my oral comm… Mr schooling-.- hes a nice guy .. typical parent.. yet I got scolded for presenting a speech on why parents dun understand us.. blardy fuck if u cant understand me then just get lost ok.. I’m totally pissed off… maybe someday dey’ll finally understand me or maybe I’ll be able to understand them.. bt for nw I don’t think any of that is gonna happen anytime soon… and yeah please excuse my excessive use of vulagities bt i'm really really pissed and well just need some space to express myself...Well.. prolly too friggin pissed off to post much bt to that person I’m so sorry and man I wish I could do something to change d fact that I tink ur in trouble.. I’m sorry.

Stomp

2005-10-02T23:07:00.000-07:00

Man.. went for stomp with zes and kuo ying on sat and it totally rocked.. haha I mean .. expected rite heh. There was this short guy.. he totally rocked haha damn funny. Hes like so friggin short compared to d rest who are seriously huge.. even this woman who uh all of us think has hair like renjis is taller dan him…haha .. amazingly tim told me hes d leader.. I was like. Omg how can lol.. its like he was practically getting bullied on stage. Lol.. but that guy could do some serious stunts man. Haha did a damn nice handstand then a backflip on stage.. nice lol.. Now about the music or rather noise.. it was totally cool.. d ending was totally great haha mann I’ll go back just to hear that again. They did the hanging one too haha.. really wanted to see that one. Mann training tomorrow haha honestly though I really hate to admit it I’m getting quite bored with training.. but well I still wanna win and to do tat I’ve gotta have d passion man hahaha someones fav word nvm.. so yeah I’ll just go for training tomorrow and hopefully.. we’ll win nxt year.. I mean we GOTTA win and we WILL win so yeah we really gotta work mann.. so that’s all for this post. Heh I shouldn’t even be here at all -.- lol so cya guys.. peace